When Our World Turns Upside Down
When I was twelve, my grandfather died suddenly, effectively leaving me without a father figure. One morning, I’d gone to school, and everything was normal. In the afternoon, when I got home, everything had changed. My world turned upside down, and I spent years empty, angry, scared, and lonely. I needed a poddley, a magical creature who helps children feel better.
Most of us experience devastating change at least once in our lives. In an instant, a tragedy tears our world apart and leaves us wondering how we can go on. Whether we’re demolishing a building, ruining a relationship, detonating a bomb, starting a war, or wounding a soul, destruction is relatively quick. Yes, there are usually background preparations or circumstances we don’t notice that lead up to the event. For instance, though the cause of my grandfather’s death was a blood clot that lodged in his brain, his body had been wearing down for years, unseen, leading to that moment. In a similar way, a thoughtless word can tear apart a marriage when trust has eroded, and a thoughtless criticism can lead to violence when men have endured years of shame and abuse.
On the other hand, rebuilding takes time. In some situations, we never manage to repair the damage done. Yet if we do heal, it’s because someone in our lives helped us change. Someone made a suggestion, offered a kindness, lent supplies or tools or labor or expertise, and something shifted, something grew, something new arrived. A new building, a new wholeness, a new life. This is the kind of change poddleys are meant to provide.
Helped by a Poddley
Invented by Nell Chenault in her book Parsifal Rides the Time Wave , [1] poddleys are little, green men who wear white gowns decorated with a star and pith helmets. They travel through time, popping into existence wherever they are needed, wherever children are unhappy.
In Cheault’s book, a boy named Colin lies despondent in a hospital bed. Having been hit a glancing blow by a car, he is beaten up, but not badly injured. Nonetheless, he does not get better. In fact, he gets worse.
A few days before, he had run into the street after a football, not seeing the car. His dog saw it, though, and leapt for Colin, shoving him aside, and taking the brunt of the blow. The dog died instantly. Now in the hospital, Colin cannot forgive himself or God or fate. He has lost his will to live.
Enter Parsifal, the poddley. Parsifal tries reasoning with Colin, but of course, that doesn’t work. In fact, it makes things worse. So he tries commiserating. That doesn’t do much good, either. Finally, Parsifal takes Colin on a journey. They travel back in time to the 14th-century when Robert the Bruce, King of the Scots, is fighting for Scottish independence. Parsifal introduces the boy to the king, who gives Colin the chance to support him in his war with England.
The Gift of Life
This adventure gives Colin a reason to live, putting color in his cheek and strengthening his step. What really helps the boy heal, however, is Robert’s collie dog, one much like Colin’s. Although at first seeing the dog brought the boy more pain, after awhile the closeness he felt to Robert and the collie dog helped ease some of his anguish.
Then, in a vicious battle, Robert’s dog dies saving the king’s life. Colin is horrified. Yet he is also struck by Robert’s response to his loss. The king is sad, absolutely, and yet he doesn’t get angry or bitter. Instead, he honors the dog, expressing gratitude for the animal’s loving service and for the gift of life he gave his master. By watching Robert, Colin suddenly understands that he, too, has been given a gift of life, and if he throws it away, he will dishonor the dog he so loved.
Why does Parsifal take the boy on this trip? Obviously, the poddley can see into the past, so he knows what will happen to Robert’s dog. Realizing that no amount of lecturing, chastising, cajoling, or explaining will help Colin feel grateful for being alive, Parsifal guesses that a special relationship with a man who already understands this will teach Colin what he needs to learn.
Of course, nothing like this happened in real history. Bruce probably didn’t have a dog, anyway. His life was too unstable. Yet the plot makes a moving and healing story which became one of my favorites during my own childhood. In a way, Parsifal was my poddley, too.
The Poddleys in Our Lives
He was not my only one, however. I am grateful to the many poddleys in my life. Some of them hung around for a while, like my mother’s boyfriend at the time who listened to me, sat with me, and never tried to tell me what I needed to do or how I needed to feel. By allowing me to be who I was, by honoring my pain without trying to take it away, he helped me feel better, just as a poddley is supposed to. My mother’s boyfriend changed my life.
Sometimes our poddleys need appear only once in our lives, speak but a word or two. One poddley I knew spent a scant hour with me, but his attention made all the difference.
Shortly after my grandfather died, I got involved with a group of kids from New York City who taught me to shoplift, introduced me to cigarettes and drugs, and encouraged me to pick up men at Pennsylvania Station. The transit center was filled with people rushing here and there and meeting friends. None of them was interested in a timid, little girl who asked them to have coffee with her. I’m not sure what I expected, nor what my friends were thinking, but finally a man took me up on my offer. He bought me a cup of black coffee, which burnt my tongue and tasted bitter. Then he asked me about my life. For a long time, he listened. I felt cared for, even held. When he told me to go home, that my mother was waiting for me, I obeyed.
Change is in the Relationship
If he hadn’t spent that time with me, he wouldn’t have earned my respect, and I wouldn’t have done what he said. In that case, my life would not have changed, and who knows what abyss I would have fallen into?
Like Parsifal discovered with Colin, lecturing or giving answers rarely helps create change. Caring for people, honoring who they are and how they feel, giving them voice, showing them respect, these are things that change us for the better. This doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Even a single sentence, a look, a touch can transform a person’s inner world. Maybe our efforts do no more than put the seed in the ground. Maybe they add a last bit of water that allows a flower to bloom. We may never know, yet offering the gift of attention and kindness is always worthwhile.
Many of us have suffered tragedies that tore our world apart. Change can occur in an instant, as it did for Colin when he ran without looking. His small mistake led to an irreparable tragedy. Just so, I have talked with addicts who’ve killed others while driving drunk or who started fires because they weren’t paying attention. I’ve spoken with people who’ve harmed their children, abused their spouses, lost parts of their body, broken promises, broken relationships, and broken themselves. Sadness and despair fill our world. Yet even when people have been abused, tormented, berated, shamed, and misunderstood for years, they can find hope. They can change. Even those who have done the abusing, tormenting, berating, shaming, and misunderstanding can change.
May We Be Poddleys Ourselves
When my world turned upside down, I needed someone to help me heal. I was fortunate, because I had more than one someone. I also had the mothers of my friends, teachers, an honorary aunt, a camp counselor, and even my own mother, who was indeed there for me when I returned home. In those moments of touch, kindness, listening, and hope, I received the gift of life, of change, of transformation. Because of the many poddleys I have known, I have healed enough to find my way.
If you need a poddley, may you find one soon. If you can be a poddley to someone else, don’t hesitate. We don’t always get it right when we try to help. Usually, things work better when we trust in the other person’s ability to heal herself if given compassion, space, and understanding. Of course, therapeutic tools, physical exercises and activities, spiritual insights and practices can help. Yet if we don’t have a trusting relationship with someone, no amount of wisdom we offer will make a difference.
In an instant, our world can change, sometimes in a devastatingly painful way, and sometimes in a way that brings us great joy. May we be open to the gifts of others, may we be open to offering those gifts, and in this way, may our suffering and the suffering of the world be transformed into peace and compassion.
In faith and fondness,
Barbara
Credits
- My recounting of this story comes from my memory of the book I read more than forty years ago, so might not be completely accurate. I think it is close, however.
Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash
Copyright © 2018 Barbara E. Stevens